So, slowly I paint rocks for several days,
Building the texture, modulating greys,
Until Achmelvich’s sheep strewn crag appears
Clothed with stiff grasses, wind bent bouncing ears.
But you have started several billion years
Before my flat, pathetic, instant fix.
There is the era before molecules,
Space sprung gigantic galaxies evolve,
Slow without form and void throughout the earth.
Then, even slower, rocks as treacle bake
With crystals set in granite, lost to sight,
And buried to mature three billion years.
So shrinks our human quick fix arty stuff
Before the glory of your slow, worked craft.
All posts by Alan Storkey
Christ’s Defeat of the Cross
The Cross is sometimes not understood by non-Christians. Why should Christians venerate this awful event, and even, to use Paul’s words, glory in the Cross? It seems perverse. The opposite is true. This is where human sin and evil is thrown in the face of God and God’s response is not to leave us in our sin, but to carry our sins in Christ’s body on the cross. It is proactively goodness in action. The Good is there first. There is a deeper truth than the sinfulness we all evidence and it is God’s eternal goodness, and then forgiveness and grace. We get what we do not deserve, God’s love. Even when we are lost in our wretchedness, God’s love reaches out to us, even when we are locked into our human failures, we are welcome, as was the thief on the cross. The words of Jesus on the Cross, “Father forgive them; they know not what they do” shouted through excruciating (sic.) pain show that even though we are locked in failure and the tramlines of sin, the Son of God is with us. By his stripes we are healed. This is the place where the clarity and truth of all human existence is evidenced in God with us and not against us, even though we are usually against God and lost in our own ways. All of this, and more, is true about the universal significance of the cross for human life – for redemption, being saved, being born again, dying to self, taking up the cross, counting all things but loss compared with knowing Christ and knowing him crucified, knowing atonement for our sins. There are many central Christian themes we could open up here, but it has been done by many others you could better read. Here we focus down on our theme of militarism and see what it says to us.
The Cross was the product of militarism. It was the Roman fear machine. Josephus describes the process in Christ’s infancy when revolting men were strung up on crosses in Galilee and elsewhere to eradicate rebellion.
Upon this Varus (the Roman commander) sent a part of his army into the country, to seek out those who had been the authors of the revolt; and when they were discovered, he punished some of them that were most guilty, and some he dismissed; now the number of those that were crucified on this account were two thousand: after which he disbanded his army…
The crucified bodies by the roadside worked. Rebellion was nearly eradicated for a lifetime. Fear is the currency of militarism – “Do our will or we will kill you” is the mantra. All military power hangs on that, and our leaders use fear day in day out to keep the military strong. Crucifixion is the ultimate expression of this militarist drive. When you have seen one, you do not want to fight. This is what We can do to you. We can publicly torture you to death. But people need reminding. We forget that two others were crucified with Christ, petty criminals, to keep the fear in people’s eyes. This will happen to you. This state of fear is epidemic now. Crucifixion was the demonstration of killing, not just the act, so that the people might fear. It is the warning of murder on stage. It is in your face militarism, part of the equipment which spread Roman rule among rebellious peoples around the “known” world.
Christ had already stood against this in his teaching; he insisted, “Do not fear those who can kill you, but fear God. This is not a gratuitous statement, but an attack on the principle of the Roman Empire, inviting the disciples to go beyond death to the God of life and death. It is undermining the whole basis of militarism. It is the key strategic move. It is not foolhardy. Jesus warns his disciples about the coming sacking of Jerusalem and says, “Keep away, because appalling things will happen.” And throughout his ministry he did nothing which would put the lives of his disciples in jeopardy. There is a part of Jesus prayer with his disciples in the Upper Room which reflects this.
“Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name – the name you gave me- so they may be one as we are one. While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled.”
Jesus’ Name is Son of God and the disciples, as peacemakers, are children of God, and protection is a major motif over them, but on other terms than those of militarism, as of course we now protect through law, inspection, care, mentoring and moral probity. Judas was lost through suicide, but this emphasis on protection is part of the package and in turn devolves on us, as Jesus’ warning about any damage to a child emphasizes – “It were better that a millstone were hanged about his neck and he were thrown in the sea than to cause any one of these little ones to stumble. So, this call not to fear is not arrogant, but addressing the underlying strategic issue of disarming military fear and replacing it with protection and peace. Christ extracts this fear of death from us and lives the truth of peace. For some it has meant martyrdom, not the martyrdom of killing others, but the martyrdom of being killed, but they are the exception, living good in an early death.. As this battle against the fear of militarism comes to a conclusion, Jesus is suffering pain and laceration, yet without revenge.
Many of us now just go about our daily business without the fear of being killed arising, but we do not ask how this situation came about and the earlier courage that millions have had to show in the face of threats of attack and war. More than this, we are not aware of this issue because we, with machine guns, bombs and missiles, have often been the ones dishing out death or threatening to do so, and we cannot put ourselves in the place of those who are continually threatened in “our” colonies and vassal states. We have not even turned up for this issue, except to soak up the messages of fear dished up by our militarists.
The problem of the Cross for the Temple Party was that Christ was fearless. They had to kill the Best, the healer, helper, affirmer, the good man, or else their empire, giving them immense wealth, would be threatened. When Jesus cleared the Temple of moneychangers he made a joke of it. “destroy this Temple and I will rebuild it in three days.” He was destroying the Temple system and they were defending it. Forty six years it took to build. What is he on about? They could not understand God with us or see through to the resurrection. He confronted the Temple system without fear, identifying its hypocrisy, and he had to go. Many evil leaders have tried that route since. To silence the good and the true, they have to die.
Christ had fully set out the way of peace. He warned, “Those who take the sword will perish by the sword.” And “Love your enemies.” And “Don’t retaliate.” And “Blessed are the makers of peace.” And “Sort out your quarrels fast.” He taught his disciples to pass on peace, extending its scope, and required them to forgive others. It was the recipe for good living together. But then, as now, those who want power through might oppose and fear this message. So, Christ had to be killed. He went, after a bogus trial, to the Cross, to be killed on it, and so defeated, the King of the Jews and the Son of God. He knew the other way. He wept over the carnage coming to Jerusalem as he looked down on it. “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace – but now it is hidden from your eyes…” and he detailed the coming crisis when the streets near the Temple ran with so much blood that it put the fires out and a million died. He saw it coming and warned. He was no insurrectionist; indeed, Barabbas got off and Christ was sentenced by a manipulated rabble before Pilate.
Jesus was nailed on the Cross, the fear machine and said, “Father forgive them. They know not what they do.” It was the understatement of all time, nailing the fatuity of all militarism, the broken legs and spear in the side arrogance of might. Our stupidity and evil can be forgiven and healed. The Cross was defeated by the One on it. The fear of death was faced and overcome. The bluff of militarism is called.
The Resurrection and the Fear of being killed.
On the first day of the week, with soldiers at the tomb he rose again, and kept reminding the disciples, “Do not fear”. Emboldened by the Resurrection, they did not. They were persecuted for being peacemakers, the great perversity of militarism, hauled in front of rulers. Sometimes, they were martyred to kill their way, but the victory over militarism started, the not quite Holy Roman Empire, peace movements, the gentle spreading of the Good News, and even nation speaking peace to nation and the good sense of God’s peace, sometimes courageous, but usually quite ordinary. Christianity has spread through most nations on earth through word of mouth and word of life, not through the sword and the Good News of the Gospel of peace has spread.
Frequently, we have partly seen though the militarists. We know Hitler has only got one ball. Still the militarists come back, justifying their weapons and controlling political leaders. They try to teach us to fear and make money from weapons. Yet in Christ this system is defeated. The Lamb is on the Throne, not the military dictator. The Good News of peace, far easier than war and armament, can flow across the globe, blessing ordinary people beyond measure. We need learn war no more. The cross, the instrument of military control over conquered populations, was itself conquered to become in part a symbol of the defeat of militarism. We wear it round our necks, jangling as we run, and mark its defeat. Because of God’s greater power, the gentle kingdom still grows, despite Christian failings.
This is only part of the significance of cross and resurrection of Christ, but it is an important part. After the resurrection Jesus insisted more than once on saying, “Peace be with you.” Its meaning is powerful. Peace be with you. Peace be with you. Peace be with you. Peace be with you. May God’s peace indwell you, by faith and obedience. Carry God’s peace with you. Let it be carried person to person. The transmission of peace from ordinary person to person is part of the way the kingdom grows. As Jesus had earlier said to the disciples, “As you enter a home give it your greeting. If the home is deserving, let your peace rest there.” We are all ordinary people with failings and weaknesses, but we can, by faith, carry Christ’s peace and pass it on to others. We are called to peace. We can be thousands, millions, billions of people of peace, who deconstruct this great militarist edifice of evil and destruction, who end the next wars ten years before they might arrive and who find our enemies become our friends. And so, the early Christians come to understand that the Lamb is on the throne, the small, frisky, woolly, cuddly lamb is the Christ, replacing the power of Caesar and the oppressors and militarists down the ages, and the Lamb shall rule us all.
God has said to us. Be still, listen to me.
I forgive your past sins.
Put away your weapons and love your enemies.
My Peace be with you always.
Christ’s Victory over the Cross.
Christ defeated militarism on the Cross. The conflict may go unnoticed, but is perhaps the most important in human history. In his teaching Jesus insisted, “Do not fear those who can kill you, but fear God. Fear is the currency of militarism – “Do our will or we will kill you.” All military power hangs on that, and our leaders use fear day in day out to keep the military strong. But Christ extracts this fear from us and lives the truth of peace.
The Cross was the Roman fear machine. In Christ’s infancy two thousand revolting men were strung up on crosses in Galilee to eradicate rebellion; it worked and they ruled. Later, the Jewish leaders aimed to kill Jesus, but had to use the Roman system. Their problem was that Christ was fearless. They wanted to kill the Best, the healer, helper, affirmer, the good man, so they could prosper. Many evil leaders have tried that route since. To be silenced he had to die.
Christ had already set out the way of peace. He warned, “Those who take the sword will perish by the sword.” And “Love your enemies.” And “Don’t retaliate.” And “Blessed are the makers of peace.” And “Sort out your quarrels fast.” He taught his disciples to pass on peace, extending its scope, and required them to forgive others. It was the recipe for good living together. But then, as now, those who want power through might oppose and fear this message.
So Christ had to be killed. He went after a bogus trial to the Cross, to be killed on it, and so defeated, the King of the Jews and the Son of God. He knew the other way. He wept over the carnage coming to Jerusalem as he looked down on it. “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace – but now it is hidden from your eyes…” and he detailed the coming crisis when the streets near the Temple ran with so much blood that it put the fires out and a million died. He saw it coming and warned. He was no insurrectionist; indeed, Barabbas got off and Christ was sentenced by a manipulated rabble before Pilate.
Jesus was nailed on the Cross, the fear machine and said, “Father forgive them. They know not what they do.” It was the understatement of all time, nailing the fatuity of all militarism, the broken legs and spear in the side arrogance of might. Our stupidity and evil can be forgiven and healed. The Cross was defeated by the One on it. The fear of death was faced, and overcome. The bluff of militarism is called.
On the first day of the week, with soldiers at the tomb he rose again, and kept reminding the disciples, “Do not fear”. Emboldened by the Resurrection, they did not, and the victory over militarism started, the not quite Holy Roman Empire, peace movements, the gentle spreading of the Good News, and even nation speaking peace to nation and the good sense of God’s peace, sometimes courageous, but usually quite ordinary. Christianity has spread through most nations on earth through word of mouth and word of life, not through the sword.
Frequently, we have seen though the militarists. We know Hitler has only got one ball. Still the militarists come back, justifying their weapons and controlling political leaders. They try to teach us to fear and make money from weapons. Yet in Christ this system is defeated. The Lamb is on the Throne, not the military dictator. The Good News of peace, far easier than war and armament, can flow across the globe, blessing ordinary people beyond measure. We need learn war no more.
This Easter we face again the futility of war and the dead end of the bomb. Two billion Christians stand for the gentle defeat of militarism. The crosses round our necks say “A dead loss” to militarism. The fear system is seen through. The long victory of Christ the Peacemaker is underway for humankind. We can be forgiven our past and pass peace on at no cost to anyone. We live Christ’s victory over militarism from now until it is completed by disarmament. Peace be with you.
Don’t let Communist Russia get away with it.
Could I say, as Foreign Secretary for Overseas how completely disgusting it is that Putin is poisoning our Russians. Mr Skruple is an honoured citizen among us, one of the people we want to welcome as immigrants, but not too many of them and we want others to go back after Brexit. Mr Skruple was indeed invited to this country for services done for Britain, entirely above board, in collecting information for which we did not pay about Russian football results.
Russia is up to the right on your maps of the world. It is big and you can’t miss it, as my Permanent Secretary said to me. It is a big wicked Communist country controlled by oligarchs, except the ones who come over here. I was honoured to play a tennis match with Mrs Chernukhin, and she was a good oligarch’s wife. I let her win and she donated £160,000 to the Conservative Party, thus proving that not all oligarchs are Communist, as are not the other oligarchs and oligarchs’ wives who have given £820,000 to the Conservative Party. I may add that £160K for two sets puts me up there with that Swiss feller in the value of my shots. These are honourable people, our kind of nice guys, and we welcome them to Britain as we welcome all who will give Conservatives dosh.
At Eton I was a boarder which is ultimate qualification for immigration control. One side of a boarder is in and the other side is out and no messing about, as I will make clear when I am Caesar, or Boris the Bold, as I am inviting you ordinary people to call me. And Salisbury is in Britain. That is why I, as Foreign Secretary,am speaking about it. It is in my patch, as they say, Russia not Salisbury.
Even today as Putin faces re-election we face the fact that, although Jeremy Corbyn is backing Communist Putin, he has authorised the poisoning of people on our soil. The verdict has been given by Mrs May, and also by the Daily Mail, and we are certain of it. I, as Foreign Secretary, am certain of it. It is another case of weapons of mass destruction which should have been destroyed being used against us, like Iraq, and Putin in my book is a rotter like Saddam; he should be whacked. Our quarrel is not with Russian oligarchs, but with the Kremlin, and, if I may say, we will get NATO to do endless war games and manoovers in Ukraine and the Russian borders to show we want a peaceful world.
You want a servant
You want a servant. We have done our best
To make your porridge, poach your eggs, and hens.
The North Sea gas required a little time,
And earth from rocks, and grain to feed your birds,
And coffee needs a different temperature –
We could not put it in your garden plot.
You have to do a little for yourself,
For several billion more need food, like you.
We focussed on strategic issues like
Air, water, complex molecules and size,
Earth, sun and life in multivariant forms,
So Sabbath thanks is due, perhaps, sometime,
Not chance explaining everything, but naught,
The unexplained summation of your lives.
Can the Church run?
We Christians are running the race, individually and corporately. There should be training, singlemindedness, speed, and perseverance in the race. We are to get to the finish, God’s finish. Paul is quite clear about it. Not just individuals, but the Church is also corporately running a race. God’s purposes are to be met. We should be an efficient international corporation integrated to God’s will, not a medieval starting post.
One of Christ’s aims is peace. He is the Prince of Peace. He instructs us to be peacemakers. In him we are at peace with God. His peace he left with us, and he asks us to pass it on. He requires behaviour ruling out retaliation, aggression and threat. Yet, frankly, in this race we are at present pissing about at the start and even running backwards. Take part in this thought experiment. Listen carefully. Peace is disarmament. Ah. Your mind goes. There is something wrong there. You are not sure about that. If a gun goes off, a harmless gun, like the Lone Ranger’s, you will still be standing at the start puzzling. There is something not quite right about disarmament.
Disarmament has a bad name, because a different message is told each day by governments, the arms companies and their spokesmen, the dominant news media, the military establishment, security groups and the whole establishment including the Church of England in its ritual role. We hear the message so often, we cannot even listen to it. It is already in our heads. This is what we have heard since we were infants. It is the most successful bit of propaganda in the whole of human history. We need to be armed for peace and disarmament means war. The message is Churchillian, though Churchill was complex. It was frozen in the Cold War into an eternal truth, where another bit was added. If you talk disarmament, you are probably a Communist and a traitor. It did not change when the Cold War thawed, and now, thank goodness, Putin is threatening us again with new nuclear strike weapons. We need weapons for peace, no doubt about it. This race for disarmed peace should not be run.
So. Christianity is wrong and pleasantly idealistic, a nice cosy make-believe that clergy can intone, which finishes up with churchgoers kissing one another before they go back out to the real world to back the military for our defence. The bishops and the Church Establishment have more or less accepted that Christ is wrong.
Except that now we have heard that idiot Trump say, “We are all safer with guns under our pillows.” We have seen the obscene statistics of gun related deaths in the United States when everyone is armed, and followed the stories of people being shot by their kids or the dogs by mistake. We know guns do not make us safe; they kill and maim, and a lot of them leads to a lot of shoot-outs. The idiot, Trump, is asserting a lie and hoping it will carry the day. But we are not that stupid..
Except, too, that we are reassessing the biggest failed experiment in history. Arming the world has not led to peace. It has led to two World Wars and countless other ones. George W. Bush’s intervention with Tony Blair in Iraq did not lead to “Mission Accomplished” in 2003 but is still Mission Unaccomplished and regional chaos and devastation now. After a century it is two hundred million dead and still counting. Weapons bring threats, arms races, scares, attacks and most wars are not about territory or empire, but the weapons the other side has, or might have. Weapons, and the people who have bought into militarism cause wars. Every day the mantra that weapons give us peace wears thinner, and now we can easily see right through it.
Of course, there is some small print in the world-wide armament push by the munitions people and their governments. Their deal with us is that weapons might not bring peace, but they will bring peace for us. As long as we are selfish, it does not really matter about the people in Iraq, Syria, Yemen, Sudan, Libya, Afghanistan, Myanmar and all the other places which are at war. We will be safe. But since 9/11 even this modified form does not work. Our tiny minds can see the link between western bombing of the Middle East and so-called Islamic Terrorism. OK, so terrorists are attacking us, but weren’t we attacking them. People tend to want to get back at those who drop bombs on them. Bomb London. Bomb Dresden. See the link. In the global military era wars will be global, not local.
Thus, arming, killing does not bring peace. Arms are for war and we disarm for peace. Despite decades of propaganda by the priests of militarism, we can see that arms do not bring peace. Arms brings wars and rumours of wars. The present world military position is akin to the Gaderene Swine at full pelt. We are arming pressure points around the world, and the arms companies, the merchants of death, are loving it.
So, if we stand back and consider, Christ might be right. Indeed, Christ is right. The Christian Church can run the disarmament race, because Christianity is not wrong, but deeply deeply right. The Gospel of peace means disarmament, among other things, as Isaiah recognised long before Christ and disarmament works, even though the arms companies have prevented it being tried since the start of the twentieth century.
We Christians could take this on. We could be focussed, efficient towards the goal. We have 2.3 billion of the world’s population, 31% of the whole, at the starting point, at present unsure whether to run, of even not aware that they are in a race, because they have listened to the false prophets of the arms trade and the military-industrial complex saying weapons give us peace. But now, thanks to Trump, the ludicrous nature of this claim is out of the bag. Actually, arms do not give peace, but generate military crisis after military crisis leaving 60 million refugees and devastation from East to West. Of course peace means disarmament. Aside the brainwashing, there is no doubt about it – no weapons means no threats, mutual, law-abiding, policed, international relations such as operate within most disarmed countries now. In the UK it is unusual to need armed policing. Yorkshire and Lancashire worked out they did not need to fight or arm five hundred years ago and we can do it now. Disarmament is far easier than armament.
So now the Church can be ready to run, can know where it is going, can see the tape. It can back world multilateral disarmament in ten years. It can turn destroyers into aid relief vessels and bombs into quarries. It can make peace. Fully mobilised, we are already well on the way to a world majority. These who take the sword die by the sword, but those who fight with the belt of truth, the helmet of salvation, the boots of peace and as their weapon the spirit and word of God can run and cross the line, some 2 billion travelling in the same direction for a peaceful world.
The race must be well underway by 11/11/2018. There is not much time. And it needs the Christians now who will transmit the central truths. Christ insisted before the crucifixion we must be ready. And here in little Britain with its great self-applauding military establishment, the bishops and other church people must be prepared to quit the Establishment and step up for this race. In fact, the gun has now gone off.
The Church of England can stay in its museum culture, a hundred years behind the issues of the day, lost in its ecclesiasticism, or it can wake up and run, fast and efficiently, in line with the world-transforming Gospel, doing a lot of rethinking very quickly. If the Church is unready, it will be a world calamity, as it was in 1932. Each and all of us can run the disarmament race to God’s finish. The route is actually marked out quite well..
Let’s talk about the Weather
Hello, ordinary folk,
Weather will cover the whole of the UK today, and it will get jolly worse overnight. I am going to talk about it because it doesn’t involve reading, and I am Foreign Secretary and our weather always starts as foreign. At present weather is coming from the Brexit countries, but it will improve when we leave Europe properly.
I have had a lot of experience of the weather. Sometimes it is good and sometimes it is bad. When I was Major of London it was outstanding and the Romans had good weather too. They built Hadrian’s Wall to keep the bad weather out, and if I may say so, some rotter knocked it down.
I am in full agreement with the Prime Minister about the weather and I’m sure she will look after it very well. Gosh. Where is my coat? Yes, I am going to do my best to make sure that the weather improves. By June I expect my policies to have an effect and make you warmer. I do not expect gratitude. It is just part of the job. But we might have an election then, and I want you to remember how bad it is now under Labour with closed schools, trains not working and the Communist beast from the east. I say, is Putin Communist? Or something.
And where is France you may well ask? We will get our weather from new places, like Guatamala and the Virgin Islands, and I will stop now because my Private Secretary is waving his arms at me because of the weather.
My World Policy
Dear TERESA, got it right, but now my dictation typist takes over. I dictate and she rights.
Sometimes we leaders have got to stick together, though I am the leader of the Free World and you are Prime Minister of Medium Britain, as I have decided to call you now. I’m glad things are proceeding with my state visit. I want to meet your fuzzy wuzzies with guns that the Queen has and I will ask if she can spare some for over here.
You may be aware that guns are a bit in the news over here after the Florida accident. I was very sympathetic to the poor critters who had lost children as the picture shows quite clearly. They were upset, bless them, and started blaming the GUNS instead of the nutter who was using the gun. Never blame the gun, I say, when it is the human who is mad. We have a problem with mad humans. Everyone can see that. We must be ready to shoot them.
Mind you, I had a problem. My solution was to arm the teachers. I said it out straight to the crying people I let in the White House. That will solve it I said. But then it came out that there was an armed officer with a gun at the Florida School. He stood outside for four minutes without shooting because he did not want to be killed. He was messing my policy up before I said it. It is difficult to be world leader when you are surrounded by idiots. Now we need guys to shoot the teachers with guns who do not shoot the mad killers.
But now I have discovered my world policy. Just as guns keep everybody safe here in the Great United States of America (I do not like GUSA; it does not sound right – the President added quietly), so, this is a long sentence, Jolene, we need more guns and bombs around the world to keep everybody safe. Did you get that, Jolene? The problem in Syria is that the Ruskies are selling bombs and stuff to Assad, and we are not selling enough bombs and stuff to the other side. They say they can’t afford them and are dying, but they would be better spending money on bombs than hospitals and stuff, because when the bombs are equal the war will stop. In the same way when all the weapons are equal all around the world, then all the wars will end. That is world policy. Goddammit, I’ve got to finish this soon. What is her name?
I’m offering you a whole load of our weapons cheap, Teresa. I hear you are having problems with France and Northern Ireland, but if you have weapons they will fall into line. So that’s it. That is Free World policy. So, let’s get on with it. And could I have a soldier on every hole of my golf course just in case.
Thank you Teresa and Jolene, over and out.
The President of the Great United States of America
Before the Eye
We Cambridge people think things through a bit,
While you make light of light and then switch off.
So photons travel 60 trillion miles,
without much fuel, nearly straight ahead,
while we are merely going round the Sun.
They thread a needle’s eye but are diffuse,
And seem to be quite light, and do not fight.
They give us paintings, colours, tone and line,
and, subtle, bounce some six or seven times.
So did this all evolve, our retinas
from sense cells formed in early slime?
No, this exquisite universe alight,
Was made before the animate was born,
before all eyes had ever come to form.
My Speech to the Nation
Friends, Romans, Countrymen,
I have been asked by Teresa to speak to you about Brexit, and I am happy to oblige. It is a privilege. Indeed, privilege to be an Englishman, and to vote for myself and all I stand for, is what Brexit is about. I will not mention the War. Indeed, I cannot mention the War, because I might say something silly and spoil my chances of becoming the next Prime Minister. As I sit in Cabinet with a slight smile on my face, at once loyal and distant, I think “What would Billy Bunter do?” and I know he would have voted for Brexit, illegally, because he was under age, but voted nonetheless.
And Brutus, et tu Brute, as they taught us at school, he would have voted for Brexit – not Brexit left as the stage directions say, for Corbyn is a lean and hungry man. He thinks too much. Such men are dangerous, as I Julius so perceptively saw it in ancient Rome. No, we must fight them in the trenches and fight them in the restaurants. What after all is wrong with bangers and mash and fish and chips, as long as they come in the Daily Mail?
But I want to reach out to the remainers, those poor losers who were not taken in by all the things I was saying. Let me say to you that once I was not sure, and Dave was Prime Minister. Then I made up my mind and Dave went and so did George. That was a great day and remained so (if I may use the word) until my friend, Michael Gove, withdrew support for me as Prime Minister, and I was stabbed, but not fatally. Now you too can agree with what I say, and lose your critical faculties.
When we are fully Brexit and people vote again as Brits, and they can only vote Conservative, because Conservatives are for growth, equality, empire, the Monarchy, though I am not sure about Charles, wealth and prosperity for all, then I may still be Prime Minister, because Teresa is a loser and I am a winner, and that is what Brexit is for.
The time has come for Britain to be great again. That is why I wrote my book about Churchill and try to look like him. We need to think globally and reconstruct the Empire. We do not need Europe. Indeed, holidays in Europe are parochial. They lack vision. Let us reach out I say. Let us look to far horizons. Let us pull together. The scrum of life is before us. In rugby we push and in rowing we pull, and that is what Britain is all about.
As we march to victory with boundary changes in my constituency, let us realize that never in human history was so much owed by so many to so few with still even more money in tax havens, as Winston said. Sit down to rapturous applause and dip slightly having tousled hair in an endearing manner.